The Skin You're In

For the most part I am a positive person.  I go through my days feeling inspired and motivated.  But occasionally I hit a speed bump or two....this past week was a tough week for me.  Stress can really take a toll on your body!  I went through the week full of stress and worry and just plain exhausted due to things out of my control to change! Friday late afternoon I jumped in the shower to get ready for my night and the weight of the week hit me in a way I wasn't prepared for!  You see, I haven't been on the scale in close to 20 days now...And along with that I am trying not to obsess in the mirror over my body.  But for whatever reason when I got in the shower last night I obsessed.  And I freaked out!  I've lost over 190 lbs....and there is a lot of skin!  I have been amazed as I have lost weight that I have only really had skin in a few problem areas....but oh no, not anymore!  Now it is EVERYWHERE!

I had a moment in the shower where I started down the path to self loathing....and then I stopped!  NO WAY can I afford that kind of set back!  I remembered a conversation my best friend Rachael and I had on Memorial Day and it really got me thinking.  Rachael has lost at least 40 lbs and is that dreaded "few lbs from goal"...you know, those last few lbs that you lose an ounce at a time.  Rachael works hard and inspires me, she has 3 kids and a very busy family life and she still makes her health a priority!  Every time we are together we talk fitness and nutrition, it's nice to have someone who just gets it....she understands the struggles, the successes and the mental wars we women sometimes wage with ourselves! 

Rachael and I were talking Monday about extra skin and stretch marks.  Rachael's youngest is just 6 months old.  We were talking about how most women are uncomfortable with their stomachs.  She said that when she looks at her stomach and it's minor imperfections she thinks of the 3 beautiful children she carried in there and remembers that it was worth it, it makes the negative a very positive!  This made me think.  I have no children....what did I carry?  Initially my answer was fat and it made me disgusted and angry at myself.  But the more I thought about it the more I realized that I too can look at my imperfections and find something positive!

Most of my life I was full of anger, bitterness, depression....my skin was stretched so far around all of those emotions.  But as I lose the weight I lose those things as well....I am letting go of all things negative.  Though my body wasn't stretched to accommodate a child it had been stretched to accommodate things that were holding me back and losing them gave birth to a new me!  Losing the lbs I also lost the anger, the bitterness....I am a much happier person!  And HEALTHY!!!!  So I look at my extra skin and where I still hate it, it reminds me that I have come so far...that I have lost so much and that I have gained a whole new perspective on life! 

I am not yet at my goal.  In all honesty, I am probably still 50 lbs from my goal.  But of those 50 lbs, 20-25 lbs are skin.  To stop and consider that without the skin I am only 25 lbs away from the biggest goal I have ever set is pretty remarkable!  I can let myself get side tracked or I can keep pushing through, focusing on the positive!  I choose to focus on the positive! 

As if a message directly to me, last night as I was watching TV there was a news story about a man who lost half his body weight.  They showed all the skin and it surprisingly made me feel better about it.  I am not alone...and would I rather have this excess skin for awhile or be where I was 2 years ago.  That's a no brainer! 

So for now, I keep my eye on the goal and not my flabby arms or stomach!  I remember that when I can afford it I will have the skin removal surgery and the skin, like the negativity it held for so long, will be gone for good!  I also remember that I plan to donate all of that skin to Shriner's Hospital for burn victims....a way of turning something so negative in my life into something positive!  That seems to be the recurring theme in my life!!  And I am so glad I have the strength to choose, for today, not to let the skin I am in weigh me down!  I say for today because I know this is a battle I will face over and over until I can afford the surgery!  And every day I will keep fighting to remember that my strength and courage, my heart and soul make me beautiful, not the size of my arms or how flat my stomach is!