Life has a way of taking you places you never thought you'd go. I am a planner....to a fault. I sometimes have a hard time "going with the flow" or being spontaneous. I like to make a plan and execute it. Maybe it's a control issue. Maybe it's because I have worked in sales and event planning for over 10 years? Who knows? But this applies to all areas of my life.
I am recently learning that there are times in your life where plans change....and it's ok!! Sometimes the plan you put in place, the plan that was perfect for you when you began a journey is not the same plan that will get you to your ultimate goal. As you change and grow, your plan needs to also! Change is hard for most of us....but as I have changed physically over the past 2 years, my plan has constantly changed and evolved with me! The times I refused to change the plan because of my stubborn need to feel in control, I failed!
I haven't blogged in awhile...a lot has changed in my life in the last month. New relationship, new training plan, new gym, new nutrition plan. Change is hard! Even when the change is good. I have struggled to find my way, to not lose sight of my goals in the midst of this change. And I am most proud to say that I have weathered the change and come out on top! This week I started a new training schedule. My body is being pushed and it is SORE! But I feel great and I love it! Another success I am incredibly proud of is the fact that I no longer feel tied to the scale! I have officially lost 208 lbs....and I have only weighed myself 2 times in the past month! And in between those weigh ins I haven't even thought about it! This is HUGE for me! Bigger than breaking that addiction was seeing first hand that it is so true that the scale does not know it all. Up until a month ago I was weight training 3 times a week....my scale was not always moving as quickly as I liked, but I was toning and my body was definitely showing results...a month ago I stopped the weight training....and though my scale continued going down, my body got softer.....the scale doesn't tell it all!! It feels good to be training again. Closer to my goals than ever! My number one goal when I started was health...and as I write this I am healthier than ever....my mom, my inspiration to begin this journey, is now in remission a 2nd time from ovarian cancer....and I am happier than I have ever been in my whole life! My plans have changed a little...ok a lot....but I am strong enough to adapt! And keep my goals in sight! You are too....wherever you are on your journey, no matter what curve balls come your way that weren't part of the plan...you can handle it! Don't beat yourself up if you aren't perfect, or fall a bit on the journey! Pick yourself back up and move forward with renewed strength...because remember...this journey to health is lifelong....and in life, things come up, things go wrong, things change....and your ability to adapt and most importantly, your ability to not quit when you hit a stumbling block will be key to lifelong success!
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
"Failure isn't failure if a lesson from it's learned."
Yes, I am quoting a Garth Brooks song to start off this blog. It's funny, the song How You Ever Gonna Know has been my anthem through many big experiences in my life. When I moved to NYC I played it on repeat, strengthening my resolve and reminding myself over and over "how you ever gonna know..." Today after a great talk with my trainer, Aaron, he ended the conversation with, I think you have a new blog...and as I sit here deciding how to get all these thoughts out, I remembered the song and how much truth it holds! Thanks Garth!
I have to first admit that I failed. But I need to quickly say that I also learned a very important lesson in re-evaluating failure. As you all know, I committed to not weighing myself for 30 days. For my whole life I have measured my self worth by the number on the scale. To a point that it has become a detriment to me. I made it 20 days, which is a small victory in and of itself. But this weekend my mom and I made a silly mistake that could have been ugly. And I would even go so far as to say would have been ugly even 2 months ago. To date I have lost 190 lbs...so close to being down 200 lbs. Over the last 2 weeks people have been commenting on the changes to my body, I have been very aware of those changes, my clothes are getting bigger on me. All signs that I would have missed in the past. But because of these things I was confident I was going to have a big weight loss when I eventually got on the scale. We started wondering outloud if I had hit that 200 mark. And from there we hatched a plan that seemed fool proof. I would get on the scale, she would look, but I wouldn't! Even repeating it now it sounds ridiculous! BUT that is exactly what we did. My mom's reaction when I got on the scale told me EVERYTHING! Not only had I not lost....I had gained! She wouldn't tell me how much, but immediately I had tears in my eyes. And my heart sank. And honestly, I was pissed off! I do not cheat. One strength I possess is will power. And I have followed my nutrition plan 100%. I have trained and done cardio and how the hell did I gain!?!? This was the dialogue in my head. We were headed out and I decided to just shake it off as best I could. But it was gnawing at me most of the day. The next morning I had to know for myself. So Sunday morning I got on the scale. I was up 2 lbs! :(
Most of the day it weighed on me. Gnawing at me. All these crazy thoughts like, "just don't eat today." or "work out for an extra hour." were running through my head. But I fought those negative thoughts and I held on to what I have been taught by people in my life much more experienced in fitness and health than I am. I remembered all the things I have been saying to the girls doing the Challenge right now to motivate and encourage them. Those aren't empty words, they have power. And they are true! So I continued on the program that I have been on the past 2 months.
As the day went on I really turned it over in my head. I visited with friends that night and they were encouraging and offered solutions and reminded me of things I know, but don't always put into practice. I was terrified to tell Aaron I had weighed myself...afraid he would be mad. I knew I had failed.
But somewhere between Sunday and Tuesday it all clicked! All these lessons Aaron has been drilling in my head for months...all these things I hear, but don't hear. And now I get it! It is like one big giant puzzle. And the puzzle is not complete without all the pieces. The number on the scale is only one piece of the puzzle. All those changes I have noticed in my body, the changes others are noticing are real...and true indicators of my success. There are many reasons that the scale went up, none of which have a thing to do with failure. Water retention, lack of sleep, stress, the fact that I am building muscle...the list goes on and on! So, no matter what the number on the scale is, I didn't fail!! I am still closer to my goals than I was 20 days ago! And the bell went off that I have set all my goals around numbers....lose 100 lbs, lose 200 lbs...etc...but what about other goals. A good friend told me last night to set physical goals for myself. If I can run 4 minutes on the treadmill this week, my goal is 5 minutes...that is measurable...and there are no outside factors that can cloud the results. As I was running stairs during my workout this morning I realized 2 weeks ago I could barely breathe running stairs...today, I was a bit winded, my heart rate was up, but I was good, I could breathe!!! SUCCESS!!
I weighed myself again today, I haven't beat it yet, the scale still haunts me. But today those 2 lbs were gone! :) And I put the scale away! I am setting a more realistic goal for myself this time. I am not going to weigh again for 10 days. And I am going to change my expectations! When I had 250 lbs to lose, I lost it much faster. And now that I am closing in on my goal, I have to work harder for each lb. And they don't fall off at a rate of 5-8 lbs a week anymore. It is unrealistic. But as my friend Johnnie says, I am in this for life! So, quick results don't matter. I will get there...but even when I get there the journey is not over! :) And these lessons I am learning along the way will help me to be successful for life!
So, I failed...but I succeeded in my failure! And I am so ok with that!! And Aaron didn't even get mad at me for weighing myself...because the lesson I learned was valuable! I think I even made him proud! :)
Any of you struggling with not seeing results on the scale...or not seeing the results you want....get out a measuring tape, do your measurements, check how your clothes feel, get in touch with your body, know it...notice the physical changes your body is making, notice the physical goals you have reached. SLEEP, it is crucial to weight loss. DON'T STRESS, it will halt your weight loss! All pieces of one puzzle! Again, I am so blessed that I have had some amazing people come into my life! Thanks Aaron...Johnnie and Mike...Jill and all of you who comment and encourage me! I hope that the struggles I face, the lessons I learn can help you in some small way!
I have to first admit that I failed. But I need to quickly say that I also learned a very important lesson in re-evaluating failure. As you all know, I committed to not weighing myself for 30 days. For my whole life I have measured my self worth by the number on the scale. To a point that it has become a detriment to me. I made it 20 days, which is a small victory in and of itself. But this weekend my mom and I made a silly mistake that could have been ugly. And I would even go so far as to say would have been ugly even 2 months ago. To date I have lost 190 lbs...so close to being down 200 lbs. Over the last 2 weeks people have been commenting on the changes to my body, I have been very aware of those changes, my clothes are getting bigger on me. All signs that I would have missed in the past. But because of these things I was confident I was going to have a big weight loss when I eventually got on the scale. We started wondering outloud if I had hit that 200 mark. And from there we hatched a plan that seemed fool proof. I would get on the scale, she would look, but I wouldn't! Even repeating it now it sounds ridiculous! BUT that is exactly what we did. My mom's reaction when I got on the scale told me EVERYTHING! Not only had I not lost....I had gained! She wouldn't tell me how much, but immediately I had tears in my eyes. And my heart sank. And honestly, I was pissed off! I do not cheat. One strength I possess is will power. And I have followed my nutrition plan 100%. I have trained and done cardio and how the hell did I gain!?!? This was the dialogue in my head. We were headed out and I decided to just shake it off as best I could. But it was gnawing at me most of the day. The next morning I had to know for myself. So Sunday morning I got on the scale. I was up 2 lbs! :(
Most of the day it weighed on me. Gnawing at me. All these crazy thoughts like, "just don't eat today." or "work out for an extra hour." were running through my head. But I fought those negative thoughts and I held on to what I have been taught by people in my life much more experienced in fitness and health than I am. I remembered all the things I have been saying to the girls doing the Challenge right now to motivate and encourage them. Those aren't empty words, they have power. And they are true! So I continued on the program that I have been on the past 2 months.
As the day went on I really turned it over in my head. I visited with friends that night and they were encouraging and offered solutions and reminded me of things I know, but don't always put into practice. I was terrified to tell Aaron I had weighed myself...afraid he would be mad. I knew I had failed.
But somewhere between Sunday and Tuesday it all clicked! All these lessons Aaron has been drilling in my head for months...all these things I hear, but don't hear. And now I get it! It is like one big giant puzzle. And the puzzle is not complete without all the pieces. The number on the scale is only one piece of the puzzle. All those changes I have noticed in my body, the changes others are noticing are real...and true indicators of my success. There are many reasons that the scale went up, none of which have a thing to do with failure. Water retention, lack of sleep, stress, the fact that I am building muscle...the list goes on and on! So, no matter what the number on the scale is, I didn't fail!! I am still closer to my goals than I was 20 days ago! And the bell went off that I have set all my goals around numbers....lose 100 lbs, lose 200 lbs...etc...but what about other goals. A good friend told me last night to set physical goals for myself. If I can run 4 minutes on the treadmill this week, my goal is 5 minutes...that is measurable...and there are no outside factors that can cloud the results. As I was running stairs during my workout this morning I realized 2 weeks ago I could barely breathe running stairs...today, I was a bit winded, my heart rate was up, but I was good, I could breathe!!! SUCCESS!!
I weighed myself again today, I haven't beat it yet, the scale still haunts me. But today those 2 lbs were gone! :) And I put the scale away! I am setting a more realistic goal for myself this time. I am not going to weigh again for 10 days. And I am going to change my expectations! When I had 250 lbs to lose, I lost it much faster. And now that I am closing in on my goal, I have to work harder for each lb. And they don't fall off at a rate of 5-8 lbs a week anymore. It is unrealistic. But as my friend Johnnie says, I am in this for life! So, quick results don't matter. I will get there...but even when I get there the journey is not over! :) And these lessons I am learning along the way will help me to be successful for life!
So, I failed...but I succeeded in my failure! And I am so ok with that!! And Aaron didn't even get mad at me for weighing myself...because the lesson I learned was valuable! I think I even made him proud! :)
Any of you struggling with not seeing results on the scale...or not seeing the results you want....get out a measuring tape, do your measurements, check how your clothes feel, get in touch with your body, know it...notice the physical changes your body is making, notice the physical goals you have reached. SLEEP, it is crucial to weight loss. DON'T STRESS, it will halt your weight loss! All pieces of one puzzle! Again, I am so blessed that I have had some amazing people come into my life! Thanks Aaron...Johnnie and Mike...Jill and all of you who comment and encourage me! I hope that the struggles I face, the lessons I learn can help you in some small way!
Saturday, June 4, 2011
The Skin You're In
For the most part I am a positive person. I go through my days feeling inspired and motivated. But occasionally I hit a speed bump or two....this past week was a tough week for me. Stress can really take a toll on your body! I went through the week full of stress and worry and just plain exhausted due to things out of my control to change! Friday late afternoon I jumped in the shower to get ready for my night and the weight of the week hit me in a way I wasn't prepared for! You see, I haven't been on the scale in close to 20 days now...And along with that I am trying not to obsess in the mirror over my body. But for whatever reason when I got in the shower last night I obsessed. And I freaked out! I've lost over 190 lbs....and there is a lot of skin! I have been amazed as I have lost weight that I have only really had skin in a few problem areas....but oh no, not anymore! Now it is EVERYWHERE!
I had a moment in the shower where I started down the path to self loathing....and then I stopped! NO WAY can I afford that kind of set back! I remembered a conversation my best friend Rachael and I had on Memorial Day and it really got me thinking. Rachael has lost at least 40 lbs and is that dreaded "few lbs from goal"...you know, those last few lbs that you lose an ounce at a time. Rachael works hard and inspires me, she has 3 kids and a very busy family life and she still makes her health a priority! Every time we are together we talk fitness and nutrition, it's nice to have someone who just gets it....she understands the struggles, the successes and the mental wars we women sometimes wage with ourselves!
Rachael and I were talking Monday about extra skin and stretch marks. Rachael's youngest is just 6 months old. We were talking about how most women are uncomfortable with their stomachs. She said that when she looks at her stomach and it's minor imperfections she thinks of the 3 beautiful children she carried in there and remembers that it was worth it, it makes the negative a very positive! This made me think. I have no children....what did I carry? Initially my answer was fat and it made me disgusted and angry at myself. But the more I thought about it the more I realized that I too can look at my imperfections and find something positive!
Most of my life I was full of anger, bitterness, depression....my skin was stretched so far around all of those emotions. But as I lose the weight I lose those things as well....I am letting go of all things negative. Though my body wasn't stretched to accommodate a child it had been stretched to accommodate things that were holding me back and losing them gave birth to a new me! Losing the lbs I also lost the anger, the bitterness....I am a much happier person! And HEALTHY!!!! So I look at my extra skin and where I still hate it, it reminds me that I have come so far...that I have lost so much and that I have gained a whole new perspective on life!
I am not yet at my goal. In all honesty, I am probably still 50 lbs from my goal. But of those 50 lbs, 20-25 lbs are skin. To stop and consider that without the skin I am only 25 lbs away from the biggest goal I have ever set is pretty remarkable! I can let myself get side tracked or I can keep pushing through, focusing on the positive! I choose to focus on the positive!
As if a message directly to me, last night as I was watching TV there was a news story about a man who lost half his body weight. They showed all the skin and it surprisingly made me feel better about it. I am not alone...and would I rather have this excess skin for awhile or be where I was 2 years ago. That's a no brainer!
So for now, I keep my eye on the goal and not my flabby arms or stomach! I remember that when I can afford it I will have the skin removal surgery and the skin, like the negativity it held for so long, will be gone for good! I also remember that I plan to donate all of that skin to Shriner's Hospital for burn victims....a way of turning something so negative in my life into something positive! That seems to be the recurring theme in my life!! And I am so glad I have the strength to choose, for today, not to let the skin I am in weigh me down! I say for today because I know this is a battle I will face over and over until I can afford the surgery! And every day I will keep fighting to remember that my strength and courage, my heart and soul make me beautiful, not the size of my arms or how flat my stomach is!
I had a moment in the shower where I started down the path to self loathing....and then I stopped! NO WAY can I afford that kind of set back! I remembered a conversation my best friend Rachael and I had on Memorial Day and it really got me thinking. Rachael has lost at least 40 lbs and is that dreaded "few lbs from goal"...you know, those last few lbs that you lose an ounce at a time. Rachael works hard and inspires me, she has 3 kids and a very busy family life and she still makes her health a priority! Every time we are together we talk fitness and nutrition, it's nice to have someone who just gets it....she understands the struggles, the successes and the mental wars we women sometimes wage with ourselves!
Rachael and I were talking Monday about extra skin and stretch marks. Rachael's youngest is just 6 months old. We were talking about how most women are uncomfortable with their stomachs. She said that when she looks at her stomach and it's minor imperfections she thinks of the 3 beautiful children she carried in there and remembers that it was worth it, it makes the negative a very positive! This made me think. I have no children....what did I carry? Initially my answer was fat and it made me disgusted and angry at myself. But the more I thought about it the more I realized that I too can look at my imperfections and find something positive!
Most of my life I was full of anger, bitterness, depression....my skin was stretched so far around all of those emotions. But as I lose the weight I lose those things as well....I am letting go of all things negative. Though my body wasn't stretched to accommodate a child it had been stretched to accommodate things that were holding me back and losing them gave birth to a new me! Losing the lbs I also lost the anger, the bitterness....I am a much happier person! And HEALTHY!!!! So I look at my extra skin and where I still hate it, it reminds me that I have come so far...that I have lost so much and that I have gained a whole new perspective on life!
I am not yet at my goal. In all honesty, I am probably still 50 lbs from my goal. But of those 50 lbs, 20-25 lbs are skin. To stop and consider that without the skin I am only 25 lbs away from the biggest goal I have ever set is pretty remarkable! I can let myself get side tracked or I can keep pushing through, focusing on the positive! I choose to focus on the positive!
As if a message directly to me, last night as I was watching TV there was a news story about a man who lost half his body weight. They showed all the skin and it surprisingly made me feel better about it. I am not alone...and would I rather have this excess skin for awhile or be where I was 2 years ago. That's a no brainer!
So for now, I keep my eye on the goal and not my flabby arms or stomach! I remember that when I can afford it I will have the skin removal surgery and the skin, like the negativity it held for so long, will be gone for good! I also remember that I plan to donate all of that skin to Shriner's Hospital for burn victims....a way of turning something so negative in my life into something positive! That seems to be the recurring theme in my life!! And I am so glad I have the strength to choose, for today, not to let the skin I am in weigh me down! I say for today because I know this is a battle I will face over and over until I can afford the surgery! And every day I will keep fighting to remember that my strength and courage, my heart and soul make me beautiful, not the size of my arms or how flat my stomach is!
Friday, May 27, 2011
The Company You Keep Keeps You....
"Tell me what company you keep and I'll tell you what you are."
-Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra
It's amazing all the things you outgrow as you go through a life changing transformation. I think back on my journey and I am amazed at the things that I have let go of; some willingly and some without me even realizing I was letting go. There are things that I let go of with ease, or naturally and there are things that have had to be pried from my grasp! In the beginning I let go of my fear of failure and decided to take the first steps to get healthy. This was a tough step, so many around me wanted me to be healthy and the fear of failing them was even more overwhelming than the fear of failing myself. I made a choice to turn that fear into motivation and it began to fuel me.
The list of things I've let go of is huge and for each thing I have given up I have replaced it with something that makes me stronger. I gave up fast food, soda, chips and processed foods for vegetables, fruit, water and protein. I gave up staying up late and not getting enough sleep and replaced it with 5:30am training sessions at the gym. I gave up all the clothes I have outgrown for clothes in my new smaller size. As I think about these and the many other things that I have given up and the reasons for doing so I ask myself, "are there people I have also outgrown?"
I think back on times in my life when I was at my lowest and the people that helped me and hindered me. Those who were positive and encouraging and tried lifting me from those low points, I often found annoying, yet the people who would bitch and moan with me and let me complain, I clung to them. Why is that? Because misery loves company! I know it sounds cliche, but it is so true! As I focus daily on being a positive person who is striving to better myself on the inside and the outside, I realize that yes, I can't cling to people who are negative and still be successful. Now don't get me wrong, I am not saying I should ditch my friends and find all new ones. Everyone has bad days or times where they need to vent, me included. We all have occasions in life where we are negative, but they should be brief moments and not the norm of our daily life. I am examining the people that influence me, the people I draw energy from, the people who make a difference in my day to day life and most importantly in the way I think. Not only the way I think about life and circumstances, but the way I think about myself.
I am the first to tell you I am amazingly blessed. I have a support system that is deep and wide! I have family, friends and complete strangers who reach out to me and encourage me daily. Without that I would have given up many times. That being said, there are still those people in my life that constantly plant seeds of doubt in my head. They question my goals, they feed on negativity. My trainer calls these people energy vampires. They suck the positive life and energy out of me. Maybe I am naive or maybe I just like to see the good in people, but in the past I have given people the benefit of the doubt. I have believed that people who love me would not want to see me fail. And I would have argued that with anyone until I was blue in the face. But the more I change internally and the harder I work to be positive the more aware I am of the influence other people have on my mood, my mind set and the overall success I have. When I am surrounded by positive, healthy people who have goals and aspire to reach them, I am fueled to work harder. It pumps me up. And on the flip side, when I am surrounded by people who question my goals, who complain about life and see the negative in every situation, I find myself shrinking and questioning and doubting. I don't want to be that person. I want to be the person who believes that no goal is out of my reach. The person who believes no matter what I set my mind to do, I can do! The person who knows that no matter what set of circumstances life deals me, I will rise above it.
As difficult as it is to say, I do think there are times in your life where you have to let go of people. I don't think you always have to cut them out of your life completely, but you change the way you interact with them. And most importantly, you take control of the way they interact with you! This is a really hard thing to do. I am struggling with it currently. But just like every other thing I have given up on this journey I have to replace the negative with a positive. I can't let the company I keep, keep me from reaching my goals. I make the choice to surround myself with driven people who have goals and encourage mine. People who hold me accountable and push me when I am weak and can't push myself. And my responsibility is to do the same for them.
If there are people in your life who hold you back, free yourself of their hold. Stop letting them cause doubt, stop letting them bring you down. You are worth the effort it takes to stand up to energy vampires! I have this conversation with myself daily! Try it, it helps!!
On a different note, 10 days without weighing in....the scale is one more thing I have "given up". For a month at least! :) I have had anxiety over this, definitely. But finding other ways to track my progress is helping. And realizing that the scale is not where I measure my self worth is something I am working on! And in this struggle I am also reminded why positive people in your life make all the difference! A text message this morning from a friend telling me she wanted to weigh herself this morning, but didn't because of me absolutely made my morning and reminded me I am not in this thing alone!
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Losing it....really!
I am writing this through a veil of tears, so I apologize for any typos! Like most women I am very emotional. I feel things very deeply, my heart is tender and I laugh as easily as I cry! I am finding it is very cleansing to "own" my struggles, to share them with others or at the very least get them out of my head and off of my chest.
This week I have struggled with a lot of emotions! Emotions are good; don't get me wrong. I am so glad I am someone who feels things deeply. But as I really examine who I am and what makes me successful in my weight loss battle and also what triggers road blocks, I am finding emotions play a really big role!
I had a weekend that put me in a funk. There was not one big catastrophic event and it seems petty when I think of those who lost everything in the devastating tornadoes or the Brown County family whose son gave his life fighting in Afghanistan.
You all know my mom is my everything. Last week was her rough chemo week. Seeing her feel so terrible is a reminder to me of how fragile life is. How we all take so much for granted every day. Like the things we eat and drink! We spend so much time focusing on the things we are giving up, but we are giving them up to get healthy, to add years to our life! We give them up and replace them with healthy options, and we find every way possible to make these options still taste great! And most of the time we are successful. Cancer patients would give anything to eat something that tastes great. Most days finding something to eat or drink that doesn't taste like metal, that they can keep down or tolerate is a challenge. We whine about sore muscles and having to get to the gym, yet my mom would give anything to be able to get back in the gym or even walk up the stairs without being completely winded and exhausted! Really puts it in perspective! Health is a gift! Having the choice to eat healthy, having the option and ability to be active is something we should be grateful for every day!
I felt completely helpless this weekend, wanting desperately to find that one thing that would taste good to Mom. I expressed my heartache on my facebook page and it was eye opening! So many people reached out to me, to her, with suggestions and help! I felt so supported. It also made me realize that the the typical things we use to gauge a friendship aren't always the most accurate. It doesn't matter if you have known someone your whole life or only just met...or if you see each other often or talk all the time or if you just catch up on facebook! The people who reached out to me, who showed genuine concern....the friends that went out of their way to not only offer advice, but to get me the things I needed to help my mom be more comfortable surprised me! I have so many friends...old and new....and I am so thankful for all of them!
One new friend reconfirmed in my mind and in my heart that nothing happens by chance! Through AdvoCare I was introduced to Johnnie Kanoza. Johnnie is a trainer at Keep It Tight Fitness in Mason. Not only is she amazingly helpful and knowledgeable about all things nutrition, fitness and AdvoCare, but she is amazingly kind and giving! She is one of those people who would help you without ever thinking "what's in it for me?" I have only known her a very short time and had only met her face to face once! And Johnnie met me Saturday with with a canister of Rehydrate for my mom to try. When I got to Keep It Tight Fitness to pick it up she probably had no idea she would be giving me a counseling session! But she did. Johnnie recently lost her mom to cancer. Talking to her and sharing my struggles and my fears and seeing the tears in her eyes and knowing she "gets it", hearing her say to me, you are normal to feel that way....it was the best therapy! And I am truly blessed that our paths crossed!
So, yeah, very emotional at that point....the rest of my weekend was busy, but I have had an issue with a friend laying heavy on my heart. I don't want to share the details here, but it really was bothering me, still is, and I didn't sleep well Sunday night. So Monday morning I head to the gym at 5:30am and I am one tired ball of wound up emotion! Aaron Slusher, you are a saint! As I worked out, he reminded me of the adverse effects of stress and negativity on my body, my weight loss and my workout....and he helped me work through it. He helped me talk it out and look at it all in a much healthier way! I am so thankful for him as well! For those of you on this weight loss journey with me, please remember that eating and being active are only parts of the whole puzzle....your thinking, your attitude, sleep....so many other things play a role in your success!
I am thankful for my emotional week because through the emotions I have realized that God places people in your life for specific reasons! Take full advantage of that! Utilize the tools you are given. Through friends and acquaintances and random strangers! Let people who have learned through experience guide you, help you, counsel you! And by all means, if you have learned something, don't keep it to yourself...share it with others, help people to be stronger, healthier.....it's what it is all about! Also, don't let your emotions derail you or cause you to make unhealthy choices. Acknowledge your emotions and deal with them. Don't mask them with bad choices! And when making a bad choice seems like the only choice....turn to the people who have been purposefully placed in your world and let their strength guide you back to the path you have worked SO hard to pave!!!!
This week I have struggled with a lot of emotions! Emotions are good; don't get me wrong. I am so glad I am someone who feels things deeply. But as I really examine who I am and what makes me successful in my weight loss battle and also what triggers road blocks, I am finding emotions play a really big role!
I had a weekend that put me in a funk. There was not one big catastrophic event and it seems petty when I think of those who lost everything in the devastating tornadoes or the Brown County family whose son gave his life fighting in Afghanistan.
You all know my mom is my everything. Last week was her rough chemo week. Seeing her feel so terrible is a reminder to me of how fragile life is. How we all take so much for granted every day. Like the things we eat and drink! We spend so much time focusing on the things we are giving up, but we are giving them up to get healthy, to add years to our life! We give them up and replace them with healthy options, and we find every way possible to make these options still taste great! And most of the time we are successful. Cancer patients would give anything to eat something that tastes great. Most days finding something to eat or drink that doesn't taste like metal, that they can keep down or tolerate is a challenge. We whine about sore muscles and having to get to the gym, yet my mom would give anything to be able to get back in the gym or even walk up the stairs without being completely winded and exhausted! Really puts it in perspective! Health is a gift! Having the choice to eat healthy, having the option and ability to be active is something we should be grateful for every day!
I felt completely helpless this weekend, wanting desperately to find that one thing that would taste good to Mom. I expressed my heartache on my facebook page and it was eye opening! So many people reached out to me, to her, with suggestions and help! I felt so supported. It also made me realize that the the typical things we use to gauge a friendship aren't always the most accurate. It doesn't matter if you have known someone your whole life or only just met...or if you see each other often or talk all the time or if you just catch up on facebook! The people who reached out to me, who showed genuine concern....the friends that went out of their way to not only offer advice, but to get me the things I needed to help my mom be more comfortable surprised me! I have so many friends...old and new....and I am so thankful for all of them!
One new friend reconfirmed in my mind and in my heart that nothing happens by chance! Through AdvoCare I was introduced to Johnnie Kanoza. Johnnie is a trainer at Keep It Tight Fitness in Mason. Not only is she amazingly helpful and knowledgeable about all things nutrition, fitness and AdvoCare, but she is amazingly kind and giving! She is one of those people who would help you without ever thinking "what's in it for me?" I have only known her a very short time and had only met her face to face once! And Johnnie met me Saturday with with a canister of Rehydrate for my mom to try. When I got to Keep It Tight Fitness to pick it up she probably had no idea she would be giving me a counseling session! But she did. Johnnie recently lost her mom to cancer. Talking to her and sharing my struggles and my fears and seeing the tears in her eyes and knowing she "gets it", hearing her say to me, you are normal to feel that way....it was the best therapy! And I am truly blessed that our paths crossed!
So, yeah, very emotional at that point....the rest of my weekend was busy, but I have had an issue with a friend laying heavy on my heart. I don't want to share the details here, but it really was bothering me, still is, and I didn't sleep well Sunday night. So Monday morning I head to the gym at 5:30am and I am one tired ball of wound up emotion! Aaron Slusher, you are a saint! As I worked out, he reminded me of the adverse effects of stress and negativity on my body, my weight loss and my workout....and he helped me work through it. He helped me talk it out and look at it all in a much healthier way! I am so thankful for him as well! For those of you on this weight loss journey with me, please remember that eating and being active are only parts of the whole puzzle....your thinking, your attitude, sleep....so many other things play a role in your success!
I am thankful for my emotional week because through the emotions I have realized that God places people in your life for specific reasons! Take full advantage of that! Utilize the tools you are given. Through friends and acquaintances and random strangers! Let people who have learned through experience guide you, help you, counsel you! And by all means, if you have learned something, don't keep it to yourself...share it with others, help people to be stronger, healthier.....it's what it is all about! Also, don't let your emotions derail you or cause you to make unhealthy choices. Acknowledge your emotions and deal with them. Don't mask them with bad choices! And when making a bad choice seems like the only choice....turn to the people who have been purposefully placed in your world and let their strength guide you back to the path you have worked SO hard to pave!!!!
Sunday, May 22, 2011
The Battle of the Closet...
Ladies, you will all understand this battle. The one where as you gain and lose weight over the years your closet begins to be separated into fat clothes, clothes you really want to wear again and the coveted, smallest size you've ever been that in the back of your head you fear you will never fit in again, BUT there is no way you'll let go of clothes! Why we hold on to all of these sizes is beyond me!? But honestly, holding on to them all has saved me a TON of money!
When I started losing weight this time I decided to break the habit of holding on to the fat clothes. I convinced myself that in the past I made it too easy on myself to gain weight back by keeping those big jeans and when 10 lbs creeped back on, I'd silently slip in to the bigger pants in the closet. Not this time! In 20 months I have given away over 40 thirty gallon garbage bags of clothes. (ouch, that's a TON of money) First I separated my closet into sizes...and as I went down a size, I would bag up the size before and move into the smaller size! This has been awesome. Each time I would get excited thinking about how good I'd feel getting back into some of the smaller things that were favorites I had long since missed wearing! I took these old clothes to Curves for other girls losing weight that didn't have the money to keep buying new stuff either! I donated some to a shelter, took some to a Naked Lady Party...dropped some off at Good Will...whatever got them out of my closet and took away my excuse to ever put that weight back on! It was SO freeing!
Friday night after a friend gave me a whole new summer wardrobe in my new size 14 I decided it was time to do another sweep of the closet. As I started my ritual of taking everything out and reorganizing I got really emotional....very mixed emotions! Some of the items I am letting go of this time are some of my all time favorite clothes, clothes I couldn't wait to get back into when I started this almost 2 years ago. I also realized that I have now gotten rid of EVERYTHING! There are no more clothes hanging in the closet for me to "get into". I have no more "skinny" clothes to work towards! WOW! 16 was the smallest size in my closet....the smallest I have ever been...until now!
So, when I get into a 12 ( I was a 12 when I was a kid!!!!!!!!) or 10, 8.... I will have to buy all new clothes!!!!!! How exciting is that!?!?! Expensive, but exciting! I am so excited for a future with a closet that is completely wearable! Everything on the hangers fits, no clothes I am "working to get into" and no clothes I am "praying I never wear again." I am well on my way!
One interesting thing I found in my closet on Friday was my Class of 96 Seniors shirt! Most people have clothes from high school they would love to fit in again. I tried this shirt on....it hung to my knees and swallowed me! WOOOOO HOOOOO I was SO happy! I am so not that girl anymore! Each time I gave away the bags of clothes, I gave away some baggage from my life! And I am feeling liberated!
I am still scale free...it's been almost a week since I have weighed in...I am going nuts, but I have not even gotten the scale out. I did see a scale this morning at the gym and had to really fight the urge to jump on it....praying I make it to June 17......
When I started losing weight this time I decided to break the habit of holding on to the fat clothes. I convinced myself that in the past I made it too easy on myself to gain weight back by keeping those big jeans and when 10 lbs creeped back on, I'd silently slip in to the bigger pants in the closet. Not this time! In 20 months I have given away over 40 thirty gallon garbage bags of clothes. (ouch, that's a TON of money) First I separated my closet into sizes...and as I went down a size, I would bag up the size before and move into the smaller size! This has been awesome. Each time I would get excited thinking about how good I'd feel getting back into some of the smaller things that were favorites I had long since missed wearing! I took these old clothes to Curves for other girls losing weight that didn't have the money to keep buying new stuff either! I donated some to a shelter, took some to a Naked Lady Party...dropped some off at Good Will...whatever got them out of my closet and took away my excuse to ever put that weight back on! It was SO freeing!
Friday night after a friend gave me a whole new summer wardrobe in my new size 14 I decided it was time to do another sweep of the closet. As I started my ritual of taking everything out and reorganizing I got really emotional....very mixed emotions! Some of the items I am letting go of this time are some of my all time favorite clothes, clothes I couldn't wait to get back into when I started this almost 2 years ago. I also realized that I have now gotten rid of EVERYTHING! There are no more clothes hanging in the closet for me to "get into". I have no more "skinny" clothes to work towards! WOW! 16 was the smallest size in my closet....the smallest I have ever been...until now!
So, when I get into a 12 ( I was a 12 when I was a kid!!!!!!!!) or 10, 8.... I will have to buy all new clothes!!!!!! How exciting is that!?!?! Expensive, but exciting! I am so excited for a future with a closet that is completely wearable! Everything on the hangers fits, no clothes I am "working to get into" and no clothes I am "praying I never wear again." I am well on my way!
One interesting thing I found in my closet on Friday was my Class of 96 Seniors shirt! Most people have clothes from high school they would love to fit in again. I tried this shirt on....it hung to my knees and swallowed me! WOOOOO HOOOOO I was SO happy! I am so not that girl anymore! Each time I gave away the bags of clothes, I gave away some baggage from my life! And I am feeling liberated!
I am still scale free...it's been almost a week since I have weighed in...I am going nuts, but I have not even gotten the scale out. I did see a scale this morning at the gym and had to really fight the urge to jump on it....praying I make it to June 17......
Friday, May 20, 2011
AdvoCare
You've been asking for it....and I am delivering! For those who don't know, "AdvoCare is a premier health and wellness company offering world-class energy, weight-loss, nutrition, and sports performance products along with a rewarding business opportunity."
I first became aware of AdvoCare when I started training with Aaron. At that point I was taking no vitamins, no supplements and knowing I really wanted to get the best results and be as healthy as possible I asked him for his input. He sent me to the AdvoCare website to explore and I came across the 24 Day Challenge https://www.advocare.com/110414215/Store/ViewBundle.aspx?bundleID=194450&type=B. Aaron had not done the Challenge and not knowing anyone who had, I decided to google and see what I could find! I came across tons of video testimonials on youtube from every day, normal people who had done the Challenge and had amazing results! I asked Aaron some basic questions and found out that he had studied the ins and outs of the AdvoCare products. He has several degrees in nutrition and fitness and he gave them all his stamp of approval. Being stuck at a plateau for weeks, that was all I needed to know!
I will tell you that like most of you who have ordered the Challenge, when I opened that box I had several thoughts racing through my mind! I was a bit overwhelmed! So, I want to share with you the tips and tricks that made the Challenge not only doable, but incredibly simple!
First off, the attachments that your Distributor sends you laying out the plan and how to proceed through the 24 days are crucial. Before you get your package look this over, check out the grocery list and prepare! Being prepared will be key to your success! Also, I highly recommend a notebook or journal! Now, I admit I am a bit anal, so maybe this is not something you will need, but I can do anything if I have a plan and having it all spelled out for me left no room for error! It takes a bit more work, but if you are spending the money and you truly want the best results possible take the extra time to be prepared.
I took the plan sent to me and my journal and I went through and planned out my first 10 days. I had a page per day. I made my food choices, I wrote down the times I would take Spark, fiber drinks, meal replacement shakes and all supplements and also what I would eat and what time! I will share my journal with anyone who wants a copy! It may not work for everyone, but it may be a good launching pad for you as far as making meal choices, etc... Next, I went to the grocery, bought the items I would need based on my journal and I came home and prepared my food for the whole week ahead. I put all the meat in individual serving size baggies, put my veggies in baggies as well. This was AWESOME! Each meal I went to the fridge, grabbed the baggies I needed and heated them up!
So now I was ready to start! Each morning I would open my journal and follow the instructions! Easy as that. I repeated this same procedure for days 11-24. I wrote ahead in my journal what my daily plan was and each day I followed that plan to a T!
I think it is important to note here that to get the best results you HAVE to be diligent! You get out of it what you put in! If you cheat...if you don't make the choices laid out for you, your results will reflect that! It is a commitment! You have to commit to learning to eat clean, get rid of the processed food and you will see amazing results! And best of all, you will feel fantastic!
Over the course of the 24 days, I had so much energy, I was not restricted by the cleanse, I could live my normal active life! Those who know me know that I have long struggled with sleeping! When I started the Challenge, I started sleeping! And sleeping GREAT! The most noticeable part was I was sleeping uninterrupted through the night and waking up without snoozing my alarm! I didn't have the aches and stiffness in my back when I was doing Zumba and working out! I believe the supplements contributed to that!
I want to point out a few last minute things that are imperative! One: DRINK YOUR WATER! LOTS of it! I drink over a gallon of water every day! You need to do this! Even after the challenge it is so important to drink your water! Also, you will not have results just by taking the supplements if you are not making healthy choices. If you only eat twice a day, or still drink pop, change these bad habits. These things will hinder you! Follow the program exactly. Fuel your body, eat every 3 hours! This is imperative even after the challenge!
In the 24 Days I totally BUSTED my plateau! I lost 18 lbs and 8.5 inches! But the way I felt and still feel far surpasses those results! I have continued on several of the AdvoCare products and will stay on them always! I love them that much! I believe in these products. I am distributing them and I am so excited to share the products with others and see how their lives are transformed!
I hope this helps! There are several of you just starting the Challenge and I am here to answer any questions I can! If I don't have an answer, I will get it! If you want more info, let me know!
I first became aware of AdvoCare when I started training with Aaron. At that point I was taking no vitamins, no supplements and knowing I really wanted to get the best results and be as healthy as possible I asked him for his input. He sent me to the AdvoCare website to explore and I came across the 24 Day Challenge https://www.advocare.com/110414215/Store/ViewBundle.aspx?bundleID=194450&type=B. Aaron had not done the Challenge and not knowing anyone who had, I decided to google and see what I could find! I came across tons of video testimonials on youtube from every day, normal people who had done the Challenge and had amazing results! I asked Aaron some basic questions and found out that he had studied the ins and outs of the AdvoCare products. He has several degrees in nutrition and fitness and he gave them all his stamp of approval. Being stuck at a plateau for weeks, that was all I needed to know!
I will tell you that like most of you who have ordered the Challenge, when I opened that box I had several thoughts racing through my mind! I was a bit overwhelmed! So, I want to share with you the tips and tricks that made the Challenge not only doable, but incredibly simple!
First off, the attachments that your Distributor sends you laying out the plan and how to proceed through the 24 days are crucial. Before you get your package look this over, check out the grocery list and prepare! Being prepared will be key to your success! Also, I highly recommend a notebook or journal! Now, I admit I am a bit anal, so maybe this is not something you will need, but I can do anything if I have a plan and having it all spelled out for me left no room for error! It takes a bit more work, but if you are spending the money and you truly want the best results possible take the extra time to be prepared.
I took the plan sent to me and my journal and I went through and planned out my first 10 days. I had a page per day. I made my food choices, I wrote down the times I would take Spark, fiber drinks, meal replacement shakes and all supplements and also what I would eat and what time! I will share my journal with anyone who wants a copy! It may not work for everyone, but it may be a good launching pad for you as far as making meal choices, etc... Next, I went to the grocery, bought the items I would need based on my journal and I came home and prepared my food for the whole week ahead. I put all the meat in individual serving size baggies, put my veggies in baggies as well. This was AWESOME! Each meal I went to the fridge, grabbed the baggies I needed and heated them up!
So now I was ready to start! Each morning I would open my journal and follow the instructions! Easy as that. I repeated this same procedure for days 11-24. I wrote ahead in my journal what my daily plan was and each day I followed that plan to a T!
I think it is important to note here that to get the best results you HAVE to be diligent! You get out of it what you put in! If you cheat...if you don't make the choices laid out for you, your results will reflect that! It is a commitment! You have to commit to learning to eat clean, get rid of the processed food and you will see amazing results! And best of all, you will feel fantastic!
Over the course of the 24 days, I had so much energy, I was not restricted by the cleanse, I could live my normal active life! Those who know me know that I have long struggled with sleeping! When I started the Challenge, I started sleeping! And sleeping GREAT! The most noticeable part was I was sleeping uninterrupted through the night and waking up without snoozing my alarm! I didn't have the aches and stiffness in my back when I was doing Zumba and working out! I believe the supplements contributed to that!
I want to point out a few last minute things that are imperative! One: DRINK YOUR WATER! LOTS of it! I drink over a gallon of water every day! You need to do this! Even after the challenge it is so important to drink your water! Also, you will not have results just by taking the supplements if you are not making healthy choices. If you only eat twice a day, or still drink pop, change these bad habits. These things will hinder you! Follow the program exactly. Fuel your body, eat every 3 hours! This is imperative even after the challenge!
In the 24 Days I totally BUSTED my plateau! I lost 18 lbs and 8.5 inches! But the way I felt and still feel far surpasses those results! I have continued on several of the AdvoCare products and will stay on them always! I love them that much! I believe in these products. I am distributing them and I am so excited to share the products with others and see how their lives are transformed!
I hope this helps! There are several of you just starting the Challenge and I am here to answer any questions I can! If I don't have an answer, I will get it! If you want more info, let me know!
Thursday, May 19, 2011
What it's all about...thank you Julie Shepherd
I am writing this late at night and my thoughts may not be crystal clear, I will definitely proofread in the morning before posting, but I wanted to get it all out while it was fresh on my heart and mind...
I am overwhelmed! We all go through life doing what matters to us and making choices that are right for our lives, but most of us never think about how our lives impact others. My journey was never about helping others or being inspiration for others. And I am beyond humbled by the outpouring of encouragement, kindness and support that has been showered on me by friends, family and complete strangers.
From day one of this journey I have shared my story on Facebook. I did this to hold myself accountable. I did this to have a "diary", if you will, of my progress. So I could look back and see how far I have come, or I could be encouraged when I was struggling. And in the process, sharing my story has been those same things to others....I am humbled that people look to me for inspiration, for advice, for strength. I am just a girl who got tired of being tired! A girl who wanted more for her life. And the same girl who doesn't always succeed, who struggles, but who knows that everything worth having takes perseverence, hard work and determination. I have learned it is not about never failing. It is about learning when you fail and picking yourself back up and pushing on, with more gusto than before you fell! And if I can share the strength I have found with others, I am blessed! Because somewhere along the way I learned that true joy comes not in just being successful, but in reaching out to those who need help and giving them the tools, lessons and experiences that have worked for you to equip them to be successful as well! Nothing feels as good as helping someone else find their strength! We all have a well of strength deep inside of us. It flows freely from some of us with little effort, while others have let life, tragedies, pain and mistakes bury that strength somewhere hard to find. But it is still there! And helping people dig deep to find their strength only makes me stronger! I didn't set out to help anyone, but me....but the blessing of helping others has far exceeded my wildest imagination!
I want to share a story with you, one that left me reeling with emotion yesterday. It was an eye opener and I hope if you are reading this and you are not living a healthy lifestyle that you will examine your choices and realize you DESERVE to be healthy, to live a LONG life!!! None of us is guaranteed tomorrow, but we need to put forth every effort we can today to have as many days here as we can!!
A friend of mine posted my blog on her facebook page. One of her friends reached out to me and requested to be my friend; she also sent me a message. In her message she shared with me that she had 3 children who had gone to high school with me and that her daughter, Rebecca had passed away last year at the age of 28 from Congestive Heart Failure. She told me that she would do anything possible to help encourage me to get to my goals. She also shared with me that when reading my story the similarities were uncanny, Rebecca's highest weight was 419 lbs, the same as mine. And like me, Rebecca would come home from school in tears so often and this mother knew the heart break that my mother also experienced. Reading her message brought me to tears. I immediately shared it with my mom. And thanked God for the chance to be healthy. I know that at 419 lbs my days were numbered. Had I not taken the steps to get that weight off I may not be here today. And I have so much left to do on this earth! Rebecca had so much left to do too and her death left a family without a daughter, a sister, an aunt and left so many without a friend. My heart aches for all of them! And going forward, she will be in my thoughts and will be one more thing that motivates me to never give up!! I am so thankful to her mom for sharing her story and for her support and prayers!
This post was way too important to me to share. I promise a post is coming about AdvoCare's 24 Day Challenge, just not today!
As you go about your day today, no matter what goal you have set, no matter how big, just remember that the first step is the only one you need to focus on. Take that first step and then focus on the next....
"You control your future, your destiny. What you think about comes about. By recording your dreams and goals on paper, you set in motion the process of becoming the person you most want to be. Put your future in good hands - your own." -Mark Victor Hansen
I am overwhelmed! We all go through life doing what matters to us and making choices that are right for our lives, but most of us never think about how our lives impact others. My journey was never about helping others or being inspiration for others. And I am beyond humbled by the outpouring of encouragement, kindness and support that has been showered on me by friends, family and complete strangers.
From day one of this journey I have shared my story on Facebook. I did this to hold myself accountable. I did this to have a "diary", if you will, of my progress. So I could look back and see how far I have come, or I could be encouraged when I was struggling. And in the process, sharing my story has been those same things to others....I am humbled that people look to me for inspiration, for advice, for strength. I am just a girl who got tired of being tired! A girl who wanted more for her life. And the same girl who doesn't always succeed, who struggles, but who knows that everything worth having takes perseverence, hard work and determination. I have learned it is not about never failing. It is about learning when you fail and picking yourself back up and pushing on, with more gusto than before you fell! And if I can share the strength I have found with others, I am blessed! Because somewhere along the way I learned that true joy comes not in just being successful, but in reaching out to those who need help and giving them the tools, lessons and experiences that have worked for you to equip them to be successful as well! Nothing feels as good as helping someone else find their strength! We all have a well of strength deep inside of us. It flows freely from some of us with little effort, while others have let life, tragedies, pain and mistakes bury that strength somewhere hard to find. But it is still there! And helping people dig deep to find their strength only makes me stronger! I didn't set out to help anyone, but me....but the blessing of helping others has far exceeded my wildest imagination!
I want to share a story with you, one that left me reeling with emotion yesterday. It was an eye opener and I hope if you are reading this and you are not living a healthy lifestyle that you will examine your choices and realize you DESERVE to be healthy, to live a LONG life!!! None of us is guaranteed tomorrow, but we need to put forth every effort we can today to have as many days here as we can!!
A friend of mine posted my blog on her facebook page. One of her friends reached out to me and requested to be my friend; she also sent me a message. In her message she shared with me that she had 3 children who had gone to high school with me and that her daughter, Rebecca had passed away last year at the age of 28 from Congestive Heart Failure. She told me that she would do anything possible to help encourage me to get to my goals. She also shared with me that when reading my story the similarities were uncanny, Rebecca's highest weight was 419 lbs, the same as mine. And like me, Rebecca would come home from school in tears so often and this mother knew the heart break that my mother also experienced. Reading her message brought me to tears. I immediately shared it with my mom. And thanked God for the chance to be healthy. I know that at 419 lbs my days were numbered. Had I not taken the steps to get that weight off I may not be here today. And I have so much left to do on this earth! Rebecca had so much left to do too and her death left a family without a daughter, a sister, an aunt and left so many without a friend. My heart aches for all of them! And going forward, she will be in my thoughts and will be one more thing that motivates me to never give up!! I am so thankful to her mom for sharing her story and for her support and prayers!
This post was way too important to me to share. I promise a post is coming about AdvoCare's 24 Day Challenge, just not today!
As you go about your day today, no matter what goal you have set, no matter how big, just remember that the first step is the only one you need to focus on. Take that first step and then focus on the next....
"You control your future, your destiny. What you think about comes about. By recording your dreams and goals on paper, you set in motion the process of becoming the person you most want to be. Put your future in good hands - your own." -Mark Victor Hansen
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
"Scale-ing" Back
Not weighing myself is brutal! To put it in perspective I have to just be honest and say that my scale is my crack! Mind you, I have never done drugs, but I understand addiction. And I am addicted to weighing myself.
Yesterday morning when I weighed myself knowing it was the last time for 30 days I was OK. As I put the scale away I was OK. And completely against my normal routine of weighing several times a day; I did OK yesterday at not weighing myself the rest of the day. But when I woke up this morning and walked in the bathroom...well lets just say that I now know what it must feel like to be "jonesing"....I had a HUGE battle in my head. Thoughts like, OK, get the scale out, jump on it and then put it back. No one is here, who will know if I don't tell them....and I went so far as getting the scale out, putting it on the floor and standing there staring at it! What is wrong with me!? I can resist cheesecake, pizza, french fries and milkshakes! But a scale that pisses me off most of the time has some unnatural hold on me! I am proud to say I did not get on it! I put it back away! BUT I have thought about it several more times this morning and I have come to the conclusion that it has to leave my house!
I realize to most this sounds ridiculous! It's a scale...it's weighing myself. I understand that people battle real, debilitating addictions. And to most this seems petty and laughable! But please understand we all have things in life that hold us back. We all fight battles every single day. Not all of those battles are life threatening, but they do threaten to destroy parts of us. Weighing myself may not take my life...but it takes my control and it takes away from my ability to be successful!
So, today the scale is leaving my house! I know am strong and at some point I want to prove that I am strong enough to overcome my temptation even when it lies on the floor in front of me. BUT I am also smart enough to know when that is not possible!
Yesterday morning when I weighed myself knowing it was the last time for 30 days I was OK. As I put the scale away I was OK. And completely against my normal routine of weighing several times a day; I did OK yesterday at not weighing myself the rest of the day. But when I woke up this morning and walked in the bathroom...well lets just say that I now know what it must feel like to be "jonesing"....I had a HUGE battle in my head. Thoughts like, OK, get the scale out, jump on it and then put it back. No one is here, who will know if I don't tell them....and I went so far as getting the scale out, putting it on the floor and standing there staring at it! What is wrong with me!? I can resist cheesecake, pizza, french fries and milkshakes! But a scale that pisses me off most of the time has some unnatural hold on me! I am proud to say I did not get on it! I put it back away! BUT I have thought about it several more times this morning and I have come to the conclusion that it has to leave my house!
I realize to most this sounds ridiculous! It's a scale...it's weighing myself. I understand that people battle real, debilitating addictions. And to most this seems petty and laughable! But please understand we all have things in life that hold us back. We all fight battles every single day. Not all of those battles are life threatening, but they do threaten to destroy parts of us. Weighing myself may not take my life...but it takes my control and it takes away from my ability to be successful!
So, today the scale is leaving my house! I know am strong and at some point I want to prove that I am strong enough to overcome my temptation even when it lies on the floor in front of me. BUT I am also smart enough to know when that is not possible!
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Yes, Miley was right...."It's The Climb"
I apologize to anyone who has read anything I have written in the past and warn you now that this may be a bit redundant. It's important though to go back and reiterate where it all began and who I was for the majority of my life in order for others to fully understand where I am now and most importantly, where I am headed!
I have struggled with my weight my entire life, my earliest memories are of being the kid who was picked on, made fun of and felt inferior to those around me. Kids can be so cruel! From such an early age the seeds of hurt and feelings of being inferior took root inside me. Being the brunt of jokes is crushing always, but when people you thought were your friends betray you, laugh at you, make fun of you; well that is a little tough to get over! There is no point rehashing specifics at this point, I long ago let go of the anger I held on to, but I will say that those memories formed me! They will forever be a part of the girl I was and essentially the girl I am.
My first truly successful "diet" was my sophomore year in high school. After a particularly rough freshman year, my Mom and I joined Weight Watchers and I lost 100 lbs. I felt great, looked good, but everything I did on that "diet" was for others approval and had nothing to do with me. I wanted people to stop making fun of me. I wanted to be normal! I wanted my mom to stop worrying and her heart to stop breaking every time I came home from school in tears. So I went through the motions. And I had success! For a time! By the time I graduated from high school I had gained back the 100 lbs plus more, isn't that always the way it works? The day I graduated from high school my brother was hit by a car at a graduation party and killed. My world was devastated. So now I was carrying the bitterness of the bullying in school, the betrayal of friends and the loss of my brother. On the outside, I was fat, but smiling, putting on a brave face for the world. But to those closest to me; my family most of all, I was an angry, negative person that no one wanted to be around! The littlest things would set me off! I was miserable and I made those closest to me miserable too!
For the next several years I was in this seemingly endless cycle of losing and gaining weight. Lose 100, gain 150. And each time I gained it back, I gained a little more anger. Nothing made me happy. I made bad choice after bad choice, seeking approval and self worth in all the wrong places. I moved to Clifton, I moved to Northern KY and eventually moved to Brooklyn, NY....searching for something to make the anger, the hurt, the disappointment inside me go away! But it was always there.
In 2006 I moved back to Batavia after being in NY for 2 years. After an adjustment period and a rough patch I finally started to feel like I was settling in to a good place. Things were starting to take shape for me. I was successful at my job, had started taking photos on the side which is a passion of mine and I was surrounded by my amazing family and the best friends. And then 2009 came along.
2009 was the year that totally shook me to my core! Mom had been tired, moody, withdrawn and had no energy. Mentally I thought I prepared myself that something was wrong....can you ever really be prepared to hear that the person you love and admire most in this world has cancer? The answer is NO!
Mom was diagnosed with Stage 4 Ovarian Cancer. Crushing blow. Immediately I went into care taker mode. I had watched her take care of everyone around me, including me my whole life. And I mimicked her as best I could. And I valued her in a way I never had before. Being a care taker is HARD. You feel the most crazy mixed emotions. I was a wreck physically and emotionally! Did I mention that at the same time my sister's new baby had been born with TEF and undergone surgeries and spent time in the NICU and....oh yeah, I lost my job! OUCH!!!!!!! So focusing on myself or my goals or my health was FAR from important to me. Until the most important person to me let me know how important it was to her!
Most of you know the story. I weighed a whopping 419, Mom had been undergoing aggressive chemotherapy for months. And along came the Break the Silence Ovarian Cancer 5k. She asked me to walk...so I walked; correction, I tried to! An important side note as to who I was at that moment. I would smile and do anything in the world for the people I valued most, but the littlest things would set off the anger and darkness that was buried inside me. The morning of the walk things did not go my way. My sister had logistic issues getting her whole family to the walk. Through tears I screamed at her on the phone on our drive there. Telling her I was "walking for MY mom because it was important to her..." etc...ridiculous....bitter....I am so not proud of that moment or many moments like that where I was hateful and angry.
My sister's family arrived at the walk along with my uncle. We started out as a family to complete this 5k that meant so much to my mom. Not even a mile in I began to hyperventilate. I could not breathe, I was crying, I was angry, I was humiliated. Above all, I felt like I was letting my mom down. I sat down and waited for my family. My uncle made a comment about my weight and how I needed to be moving every day and it infuriated me, who did he think he was was my thought. To this day his comments fuel me, they keep me pushing when I think I can't. And he is now one of my biggest supporters! As they made the loop and came back I finished the walk with them. Mom walked the whole 5k, I hadn't even walked a mile! Afterward she made a request that would change my life. She said, "I need you to be around to take care of me. Will you please get healthy for me." She could ask me to do anything and I would do it. And so my journey began...I know what you are thinking, get to the point already! LOL
When I started this a year and a half ago at 419 lbs, I had no idea the change that would take place in my life. I hoped for physical change. But never counted on the mental and emotional changes that came as well. I have done diet after diet...always with great success...for a time. My challenge this go round was to get to goal and to keep it off. Something I had never been able to do. Though at the time I had no idea how I would do it or the struggles I would face along the way. I also had no clue that I would be my biggest obstacle.
My plan was basic. I will count calories and workout. I had never worked out before!! But I knew I had to be active to be successful. I joined Curves with a friend and immediately signed up for the Biggest Loser Challenge they had going. My first workout there I got on the leg press and the employee had to pull it back for me because my stomach was so big I could not do it myself. Embarrassing for me at the time, but fueled the fire that had started in me. I immediately became almost the Curves poster child. The ladies loved me, supported me, cheered me on. They wanted my success as much as I did! I will forever be grateful to them. They played a huge role in building my confidence and keeping me motivated. At this point I was working out at Curves daily and living on Lean Pockets, baked chips and 100 calorie packs. At the time, it worked. Weight fell off of me. My friend Stephanie and I won the Biggest Loser Challenge took the money and went to NYC! I was on top of the world! The best part was I was starting to let go of the anger inside me, to take responsibility for my attitude and to really see the world differently. It wasn't about who wronged me, it was about what could I do to inspire others and not see anyone stuck where I was stuck for SO LONG! I wasted so much of my life!
Mom's cancer was gone, she was inspired and joined Curves with me, I took a part time job there helping out. Life was good!!! And it is easy to ride the wave when things are going good. Mom stayed cancer free almost a year...and I was down over 100 lbs! Then Oct 2010 arrived....and with it, more bad news. Mom's cancer was back! I hit a wall. I stopped working out, I let myself cheat, didn't keep a journal. I was bitter. And just a small taste of that reminded me that I had come so far and I never wanted to go back there. I made the choice to suck it up, to find the inner strength that had once fueled me and push through....for my mom; for ME!
Cancer sucks, bad! And it has taken a lot of things from my Mom and our family...but it has given us a lot of things as well! It opened my eyes and gave me my life back! It gave our whole family a new appreciation for time spent...for life! When my Mom asked me to get healthy she didn't say get skinny. Which is what I had always worked towards in the past. She said, "Get healthy." So, my whole approach to weight loss this time around has been different. Sure, I love buying new clothes and going down 9 sizes, from a 30 to a 14...but I LOVE even more that my blood pressure is better than average, my cholesterol is fantastic! I love that I can be active and breathe...that I can run and play with my nephews. That I don't get winded walking short distances. I love the years I have put back on my life!
In the beginning of this journey the weight fell off of me. I worked hard, but I was losing 8 and 10 lbs a week! Winning Biggest Loser Challenges, surpassing my personal goals! I was on top of the world! But 18 months later, it was WORK...HARD WORK! I had to work my butt off for every half lb. I put forth so much effort and sometimes the scale would defeat me...because it doesn't always show the hard work I put forth! This is where the old Tiffany would grow complacent and give up!
BUT the new Tiffany, the Tiffany that believes she is worth the hard work, the Tiffany that knows she deserves a long and healthy life said, "I'll work harder."
In the past I was so insecure, I would NEVER have gone to a gym (other than Curves where I was always accepted and welcomed and encouraged no matter my size). I would never have asked a trainer to work with me...I would think about my flabby arms or the small, fit girls who would be there...or the buff in shape guys I was sure to encounter and I would talk myself out of it...thinking I wasn't worth it! BUT I AM!!!
I am amazed still at how everything in life happens for a reason. Enter Aaron Slusher, personal trainer. Through random circumstances I came across Aaron and though never in my life would I have thought a personal trainer would work for me, I reached out to him for help. I had grown tired of working so hard for no results. I had tried everything to bust my plateau and NOTHING worked. Because the processed food, the lack of focus was all catching up to me. I was working out at Curves, running on the trampoline, riding a bike, doing Zumba, etc....and I was just spinning my wheels, scale was dead locked. I had lost 170 lbs and my body refused to give me one more lb.
Aaron immediately saw lots of red flags in the program I was following. Changing my thinking from 3 meals a day to eating every 3 hours was tough, I had programmed myself to never eat between meals, this was totally messing up my metabolism. I also cut out the processed food...completely and all sugar! WOW! Talk about culture shock! This from the girl who would not eat vegetables the first 30 years of her life and NOTHING green would ever pass my lips! LOL Boy things have changed! We set up my first session to try it out and see if I thought it was something I wanted to do. It was so out of my comfort zone. And I loved it! He pushes me, he doesn't let me slack, he forces me to examine my thinking and to let go of things that hold me back outside of the gym as well as in it! I am excited and I KNOW I CAN DO IT! That first day the gym was full of fit people...and not one time did I feel insecure...or inferior! Because I deserve this and I have come so far!! The 419 lb Tiffany who could not even get her legs up on the leg press without someone holding it back for her is GONE! And she is never coming back! I am setting goals that I never believed possible, that I would have thought were insane 2 years ago.
I have now completed 9 sessions with Aaron....I have lost over 20 lbs since my first session with him. Making my total weight loss 190 lbs and 99.5 inches! But to say it has all been great would be a lie. I want to be brutally honest in sharing my story. Part of that is being honest about my struggles. I beat myself up constantly. If I can't physically do something or I don't understand why he wants me to do something I get frustrated. I also thought that after 18 months at Curves I knew how to work out. I didn't have a clue! I had no idea that I had to slow down and control my muscles. I didn't know that my breathing and posture were crucial to getting the results I want. I am learning daily. I also have watched the Biggest Loser for years and always assumed their emotional break throughs were all about good TV. But there is so much more to it. I have had a few mini emotional break throughs and it is very liberating!
I am working on changing negative thoughts to positive ones. I am a very positive person, but even one negative thought can hinder my results, so I have to constantly fight that battle! I also have a few major struggles at the moment. One is the way I see this journey. You see, there is not a finish line. I have "run this race" so to speak as if there was an ending. But the truth is, this is a life long journey. And each time I accomplish a goal, I need to set a new one. I will never be satisfied to not continue getting better. There will always be a new challenge ahead!
My biggest battle is the scale. I have lived and died by the number on the scale for so long. Sure I would tell myself that I understood that weight fluctuates and different times of the month play a role in the number and that there are SO many factors to what the scale says. But I still jumped on that thing several times a day. Especially first thing in the morning, after I pee, before I shower, naked! For best results! LOL But all joking aside, the number on the scale would derail me so often. If I worked my butt off for days and followed my nutrition plan dilligently and the scale didn't move I immediately was discouraged. I am slowly accepting that my clothes and the way my body looks will give me a more accurate picture! I have challenged myself to hide the scale for 30 days! It will be back out on June 17....this will be a battle for me, but if I am anything, I am determined!
On a positive note, I am feeling so excited and positive about the progress I am seeing! The little things like being able to do an exercise unassisted that I couldn't do a month ago. Or doing 10 reps when I could only do 3 a month ago. These things are milestones. And they are all the more reason to forget what the number on the scale is and celebrate the fact that I am making progress every day!
I know this is so long winded and I promise future posts won't be. I had a lot to say and moving forward my posts will be current and I won't have "catching up" to do!
I know a lot of you want to know more about AdvoCare, the newest adventure I have taken on! I would love to chat about the products, the business and the 24 Day Challenge! I promise my next post will be about my experience on the Challenge! It worked amazingly for me. It busted me through the plateau that had me stuck for weeks! In the mean time if you want to know more about it, let me know. Or check out my website www.tifsadvocare.com.
As dramatic as my physical transformation has been...and will continue to be...it doesn't hold a candle to the internal transformation going on currently and that I promise will continue! Keep watching and reading; your support has brought me through the peaks and valleys! But like the song says..."ain't about how fast I get there, ain't about what's waiting on the other side. It's the climb."
I have struggled with my weight my entire life, my earliest memories are of being the kid who was picked on, made fun of and felt inferior to those around me. Kids can be so cruel! From such an early age the seeds of hurt and feelings of being inferior took root inside me. Being the brunt of jokes is crushing always, but when people you thought were your friends betray you, laugh at you, make fun of you; well that is a little tough to get over! There is no point rehashing specifics at this point, I long ago let go of the anger I held on to, but I will say that those memories formed me! They will forever be a part of the girl I was and essentially the girl I am.
My first truly successful "diet" was my sophomore year in high school. After a particularly rough freshman year, my Mom and I joined Weight Watchers and I lost 100 lbs. I felt great, looked good, but everything I did on that "diet" was for others approval and had nothing to do with me. I wanted people to stop making fun of me. I wanted to be normal! I wanted my mom to stop worrying and her heart to stop breaking every time I came home from school in tears. So I went through the motions. And I had success! For a time! By the time I graduated from high school I had gained back the 100 lbs plus more, isn't that always the way it works? The day I graduated from high school my brother was hit by a car at a graduation party and killed. My world was devastated. So now I was carrying the bitterness of the bullying in school, the betrayal of friends and the loss of my brother. On the outside, I was fat, but smiling, putting on a brave face for the world. But to those closest to me; my family most of all, I was an angry, negative person that no one wanted to be around! The littlest things would set me off! I was miserable and I made those closest to me miserable too!
For the next several years I was in this seemingly endless cycle of losing and gaining weight. Lose 100, gain 150. And each time I gained it back, I gained a little more anger. Nothing made me happy. I made bad choice after bad choice, seeking approval and self worth in all the wrong places. I moved to Clifton, I moved to Northern KY and eventually moved to Brooklyn, NY....searching for something to make the anger, the hurt, the disappointment inside me go away! But it was always there.
In 2006 I moved back to Batavia after being in NY for 2 years. After an adjustment period and a rough patch I finally started to feel like I was settling in to a good place. Things were starting to take shape for me. I was successful at my job, had started taking photos on the side which is a passion of mine and I was surrounded by my amazing family and the best friends. And then 2009 came along.
2009 was the year that totally shook me to my core! Mom had been tired, moody, withdrawn and had no energy. Mentally I thought I prepared myself that something was wrong....can you ever really be prepared to hear that the person you love and admire most in this world has cancer? The answer is NO!
Mom was diagnosed with Stage 4 Ovarian Cancer. Crushing blow. Immediately I went into care taker mode. I had watched her take care of everyone around me, including me my whole life. And I mimicked her as best I could. And I valued her in a way I never had before. Being a care taker is HARD. You feel the most crazy mixed emotions. I was a wreck physically and emotionally! Did I mention that at the same time my sister's new baby had been born with TEF and undergone surgeries and spent time in the NICU and....oh yeah, I lost my job! OUCH!!!!!!! So focusing on myself or my goals or my health was FAR from important to me. Until the most important person to me let me know how important it was to her!
Most of you know the story. I weighed a whopping 419, Mom had been undergoing aggressive chemotherapy for months. And along came the Break the Silence Ovarian Cancer 5k. She asked me to walk...so I walked; correction, I tried to! An important side note as to who I was at that moment. I would smile and do anything in the world for the people I valued most, but the littlest things would set off the anger and darkness that was buried inside me. The morning of the walk things did not go my way. My sister had logistic issues getting her whole family to the walk. Through tears I screamed at her on the phone on our drive there. Telling her I was "walking for MY mom because it was important to her..." etc...ridiculous....bitter....I am so not proud of that moment or many moments like that where I was hateful and angry.
My sister's family arrived at the walk along with my uncle. We started out as a family to complete this 5k that meant so much to my mom. Not even a mile in I began to hyperventilate. I could not breathe, I was crying, I was angry, I was humiliated. Above all, I felt like I was letting my mom down. I sat down and waited for my family. My uncle made a comment about my weight and how I needed to be moving every day and it infuriated me, who did he think he was was my thought. To this day his comments fuel me, they keep me pushing when I think I can't. And he is now one of my biggest supporters! As they made the loop and came back I finished the walk with them. Mom walked the whole 5k, I hadn't even walked a mile! Afterward she made a request that would change my life. She said, "I need you to be around to take care of me. Will you please get healthy for me." She could ask me to do anything and I would do it. And so my journey began...I know what you are thinking, get to the point already! LOL
When I started this a year and a half ago at 419 lbs, I had no idea the change that would take place in my life. I hoped for physical change. But never counted on the mental and emotional changes that came as well. I have done diet after diet...always with great success...for a time. My challenge this go round was to get to goal and to keep it off. Something I had never been able to do. Though at the time I had no idea how I would do it or the struggles I would face along the way. I also had no clue that I would be my biggest obstacle.
My plan was basic. I will count calories and workout. I had never worked out before!! But I knew I had to be active to be successful. I joined Curves with a friend and immediately signed up for the Biggest Loser Challenge they had going. My first workout there I got on the leg press and the employee had to pull it back for me because my stomach was so big I could not do it myself. Embarrassing for me at the time, but fueled the fire that had started in me. I immediately became almost the Curves poster child. The ladies loved me, supported me, cheered me on. They wanted my success as much as I did! I will forever be grateful to them. They played a huge role in building my confidence and keeping me motivated. At this point I was working out at Curves daily and living on Lean Pockets, baked chips and 100 calorie packs. At the time, it worked. Weight fell off of me. My friend Stephanie and I won the Biggest Loser Challenge took the money and went to NYC! I was on top of the world! The best part was I was starting to let go of the anger inside me, to take responsibility for my attitude and to really see the world differently. It wasn't about who wronged me, it was about what could I do to inspire others and not see anyone stuck where I was stuck for SO LONG! I wasted so much of my life!
Mom's cancer was gone, she was inspired and joined Curves with me, I took a part time job there helping out. Life was good!!! And it is easy to ride the wave when things are going good. Mom stayed cancer free almost a year...and I was down over 100 lbs! Then Oct 2010 arrived....and with it, more bad news. Mom's cancer was back! I hit a wall. I stopped working out, I let myself cheat, didn't keep a journal. I was bitter. And just a small taste of that reminded me that I had come so far and I never wanted to go back there. I made the choice to suck it up, to find the inner strength that had once fueled me and push through....for my mom; for ME!
Cancer sucks, bad! And it has taken a lot of things from my Mom and our family...but it has given us a lot of things as well! It opened my eyes and gave me my life back! It gave our whole family a new appreciation for time spent...for life! When my Mom asked me to get healthy she didn't say get skinny. Which is what I had always worked towards in the past. She said, "Get healthy." So, my whole approach to weight loss this time around has been different. Sure, I love buying new clothes and going down 9 sizes, from a 30 to a 14...but I LOVE even more that my blood pressure is better than average, my cholesterol is fantastic! I love that I can be active and breathe...that I can run and play with my nephews. That I don't get winded walking short distances. I love the years I have put back on my life!
In the beginning of this journey the weight fell off of me. I worked hard, but I was losing 8 and 10 lbs a week! Winning Biggest Loser Challenges, surpassing my personal goals! I was on top of the world! But 18 months later, it was WORK...HARD WORK! I had to work my butt off for every half lb. I put forth so much effort and sometimes the scale would defeat me...because it doesn't always show the hard work I put forth! This is where the old Tiffany would grow complacent and give up!
BUT the new Tiffany, the Tiffany that believes she is worth the hard work, the Tiffany that knows she deserves a long and healthy life said, "I'll work harder."
In the past I was so insecure, I would NEVER have gone to a gym (other than Curves where I was always accepted and welcomed and encouraged no matter my size). I would never have asked a trainer to work with me...I would think about my flabby arms or the small, fit girls who would be there...or the buff in shape guys I was sure to encounter and I would talk myself out of it...thinking I wasn't worth it! BUT I AM!!!
I am amazed still at how everything in life happens for a reason. Enter Aaron Slusher, personal trainer. Through random circumstances I came across Aaron and though never in my life would I have thought a personal trainer would work for me, I reached out to him for help. I had grown tired of working so hard for no results. I had tried everything to bust my plateau and NOTHING worked. Because the processed food, the lack of focus was all catching up to me. I was working out at Curves, running on the trampoline, riding a bike, doing Zumba, etc....and I was just spinning my wheels, scale was dead locked. I had lost 170 lbs and my body refused to give me one more lb.
Aaron immediately saw lots of red flags in the program I was following. Changing my thinking from 3 meals a day to eating every 3 hours was tough, I had programmed myself to never eat between meals, this was totally messing up my metabolism. I also cut out the processed food...completely and all sugar! WOW! Talk about culture shock! This from the girl who would not eat vegetables the first 30 years of her life and NOTHING green would ever pass my lips! LOL Boy things have changed! We set up my first session to try it out and see if I thought it was something I wanted to do. It was so out of my comfort zone. And I loved it! He pushes me, he doesn't let me slack, he forces me to examine my thinking and to let go of things that hold me back outside of the gym as well as in it! I am excited and I KNOW I CAN DO IT! That first day the gym was full of fit people...and not one time did I feel insecure...or inferior! Because I deserve this and I have come so far!! The 419 lb Tiffany who could not even get her legs up on the leg press without someone holding it back for her is GONE! And she is never coming back! I am setting goals that I never believed possible, that I would have thought were insane 2 years ago.
I have now completed 9 sessions with Aaron....I have lost over 20 lbs since my first session with him. Making my total weight loss 190 lbs and 99.5 inches! But to say it has all been great would be a lie. I want to be brutally honest in sharing my story. Part of that is being honest about my struggles. I beat myself up constantly. If I can't physically do something or I don't understand why he wants me to do something I get frustrated. I also thought that after 18 months at Curves I knew how to work out. I didn't have a clue! I had no idea that I had to slow down and control my muscles. I didn't know that my breathing and posture were crucial to getting the results I want. I am learning daily. I also have watched the Biggest Loser for years and always assumed their emotional break throughs were all about good TV. But there is so much more to it. I have had a few mini emotional break throughs and it is very liberating!
I am working on changing negative thoughts to positive ones. I am a very positive person, but even one negative thought can hinder my results, so I have to constantly fight that battle! I also have a few major struggles at the moment. One is the way I see this journey. You see, there is not a finish line. I have "run this race" so to speak as if there was an ending. But the truth is, this is a life long journey. And each time I accomplish a goal, I need to set a new one. I will never be satisfied to not continue getting better. There will always be a new challenge ahead!
My biggest battle is the scale. I have lived and died by the number on the scale for so long. Sure I would tell myself that I understood that weight fluctuates and different times of the month play a role in the number and that there are SO many factors to what the scale says. But I still jumped on that thing several times a day. Especially first thing in the morning, after I pee, before I shower, naked! For best results! LOL But all joking aside, the number on the scale would derail me so often. If I worked my butt off for days and followed my nutrition plan dilligently and the scale didn't move I immediately was discouraged. I am slowly accepting that my clothes and the way my body looks will give me a more accurate picture! I have challenged myself to hide the scale for 30 days! It will be back out on June 17....this will be a battle for me, but if I am anything, I am determined!
On a positive note, I am feeling so excited and positive about the progress I am seeing! The little things like being able to do an exercise unassisted that I couldn't do a month ago. Or doing 10 reps when I could only do 3 a month ago. These things are milestones. And they are all the more reason to forget what the number on the scale is and celebrate the fact that I am making progress every day!
I know this is so long winded and I promise future posts won't be. I had a lot to say and moving forward my posts will be current and I won't have "catching up" to do!
I know a lot of you want to know more about AdvoCare, the newest adventure I have taken on! I would love to chat about the products, the business and the 24 Day Challenge! I promise my next post will be about my experience on the Challenge! It worked amazingly for me. It busted me through the plateau that had me stuck for weeks! In the mean time if you want to know more about it, let me know. Or check out my website www.tifsadvocare.com.
As dramatic as my physical transformation has been...and will continue to be...it doesn't hold a candle to the internal transformation going on currently and that I promise will continue! Keep watching and reading; your support has brought me through the peaks and valleys! But like the song says..."ain't about how fast I get there, ain't about what's waiting on the other side. It's the climb."
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